How not to get pregnant
By Angel Viloria

I thought getting pregnant would be a breeze. I mean what could be so difficult about one out of 100 out of 250 million sperm meeting with a single egg? Why even our neighborhood cats get pregnant all the time. Human beings are so much more skilled and intelligent than cats... SOMETIMES. Well, so much for cats and back to my original topic.

When Manuel and I got married, we said that I shouldn't get pregnant for at least a year. A year should be enough time for us to get adjusted, enjoy ourselves as a married couple, and to save more money. Married people who heard us say this, however, mothers, most especially, shook their heads in utter amazement and disbelief.

"You'll get bored. You'll want a kid sooner. You'll enjoy things more once you have kids."These were just some of the lines I, specifically, scoffed at and disregarded. How can these people know better than me? I don't want a honeymoon baby. After the baby comes, it will take about twenty years before Manuel and I are ever alone again. That's too long.

Anyway, the first few months of our wedded life went fine. We enjoyed spending time together and did not feel any desire to create Little Angels and Little Manuels. We were about to prove all those doting mothers wrong. Or so we thought...

By the time we hit our fifth to sixth month though, something in me apparently snapped. I suddenly wanted a baby. DESPERATELY. I wanted it so desperately that Manuel began wanting a baby too. Well, we did have to accomplish this together.

Wanting a baby, of course, is not enough to produce a baby. We didn't know how difficult it was to assemble one until we started to consciously try to make one. So, for people out there, newly-married couples, especially, who do NOT want a baby, here are a few tips:

1. Consciously seek out old relatives: Nothing slows down a guy's sperm and makes a woman's egg more elusive than older relatives bugging a newly-married couple about kids. Soon, you'd rather not attend reunions or clan parties for fear that you will be asked such important questions as: "Mayroon na bang balita?"("Would you already have some news?') Why they ask us such a question when we both don't work for a newspaper or a TV station is beyond us.

"O, mayroon na ba?"("Oh, would you already have?') Have what? Sorry, but something does get lost in the translation.

These questions, though, are not as bad as some of the comments that a newly-married, childless couple will get sometimes. A comment like: "Ang bagal-bagal ninyo naman"("You're super slow") was something Manuel and I heard...and that's exactly how we got: slower.

2. Hang around pregnant friends. Hearing horror stories about not feeling well may just be enough to convince a woman's body not to get pregnant. Nowadays, all-day sickness appears to be the fad, with morning sickness now being a thing of the past. If you are pregnant right now and just feel horrible in the mornings, you are definitely not in style.

Not being able to eat salty food, sweets, etc. can be torture for food-lovers like me. Feeling tired and ugly, most of the time, is another thing to contend with. With all these, why would anybody want to get pregnant?

3. Try every fertility trick in the book or from wherever. Use the rhythm method. Do it on your fertile days and rest during safe days. Couple that with the Billings Ovulation method when you're supposed to try on your wet days and abstain during your dry days. I'm referring to the wife here. You may wait forever, if you wait for your hubby to have a wet or a dry day. On top of these, get the wife's basal body temperature first thing in the morning and look for that drop followed by a sudden increase.

Keep the wife's legs up after making love. Ask her not to get up immediately and to keep from urinating after. This last suggestion, however, will not only keep the wife from getting pregnant, it may also cause kidney and bladder trouble so beware!

What about for couples who do want a baby as soon as possible, would I have any advice? My advice would be for you to relax. Enjoy life together without a kid first and before you know it, the wife will soon be experiencing all-day sickness, in style.

Don't give in to pressure. Have a kid because both of you really want one and not because all your married relatives or friends are egging (or sperming... he-he, pun intended) both of you to soon have a little bundle of joy or otherwise. Now that I think about it, why are they so excited about newly-married couples having kids? There's something they're definitely not telling us.

Think positive thoughts. Do not burden yourselves by thinking of all the things which could be wrong with your reproductive systems. Seek medical advice, after a year, if nothing really happens. Pray. As for babies, they're not as helpless nor as dependent on you as both of you would like to think. They will come when they want to come.

As for Manuel and myself, we are expecting our first baby sometime this October. That's why I can now write this article. We're both very excited and feel that we are having this baby at the right time. So, how do I feel now that I'm pregnant and about to become a mommy? Nice question. That, however, is the subject of another article.