"People making lists, buying special gifts." The line of this most popular Christmas carol best describes the season we are in. For what is Christmas, without the lights, the trimmings, and the gifts? Young or old, rich or poor, we all look forward to a gift or two, whether to give or to receive. And let's face it, most people would rather be at the receiving end. With the high cost of living that doesn't seem to wane, year after year, this is one season that the scrooges in us wish never came. But does this feeling really need to get to us? As in everything else, we can never get to the true meaning of the exercise unless we realize its value.

    I read somewhere that even the song "The Twelve Days of Christmas" which is loaded with gifts, has a hidden meaning to it. From the period of the 1500's to 1800's Catholics in England were prohibited from any practice of their faith by law. In simple terms, it was a crime to be a Catholic then. But the stalwarts of the faith would not allow the young Catholics to lose a grip on their religion and would time and again find ways to "teach" them about it. By putting together pretty phrases in a repetitious melody and a list of strange gifts, the song "The Twelve Days of Christmas" says more about the Catholic faith than any religious song. The earthly suitor or "true love" that the song refers to is God Himself. And the receiver of the presents or "me" is every baptized person. The "partridge in a pear tree" refers to Jesus Christ, who, like a mother partridge, defends her helpless young from all the harm that may befall them. The other symbols in the song are: "Two Turtle Doves" - the Old and the New Testaments, "Three French Hens" - Faith, Hope & Charity or the Theological Values, "Four Calling Birds" - the four gospels or evangelists Matthew, Luke, Mark and John, "Five Golden Rings" - the first five books of the Old Testament or the Pentateuch which gives the history of man's fall from grace, "Six Geese A-Laying" - the six days of Creation, "Seven Swans A-Swimming" - the seven gifts of the Holy Spirit or the Seven Sacraments, " Eight Maids A-Milking" - the eight Beatitudes, "Nine Ladies Dancing" - the nine Fruits of the Holy Spirit, "Ten Lords A-Leaping" - the Ten Commandments, "Eleven Pipers Piping" - the eleven faithful Apostles, "Twelve Drummers Drumming" - the twelve points of doctrine in the Apostle's Creed. Fr. Hal Stockert, who wrote about this, has since been challenged to prove his writings and interpretation of the song. And as he put it, it is obvious that nothing can be proven to the unbeliever, and to those who do not care. One truth is undeniable though, that we try to understand the meaning of our gifts.

    Gifts are our best expressions of feelings that we care, love and cherish a person. We give gifts on every conceivable occasion - birthdays, weddings, Christmas, and every feast and holiday that we celebrate. Sometimes we give too many gifts that we run out of gift ideas. That's where all the bazaars and "tiangges" come in, thriving on our weakness. My Random House dictionary defines a gift as "something that is given voluntarily, as a present." That reminds me so much of the play "The Little Mermaid" which I saw with my two girls a couple of months ago. There, Nicodemus, told the Princess that "a gift is not asked, it is given." And here he was referring to the soul, as the Princess wanted to have a soul. It was difficult for him to make her understand why a soul cannot just come in a pretty little box, like all other gifts without illustrating what a soul was. But just like any other child, impulsive and innocent, she asked for the gift. As a parent, I believe that there is no better way to teach our children but through example. What we say should be the same as what we do. The values we impart to them through our actions are more impressive than our words. In the exercise of gift-giving, a person shows more of himself than he can ever imagine.

    The monetary value we put on our gifts is often equated with the stature of the receiver. In a highly commercialized and materialistic world that we live in, this is fast becoming the norm rather than the option. I take real pains in picking out a gift for all that I give gifts to. So it hurts me to see that it ended up in the "Recycle Bin." And haven't we all received "recycled" gifts in our lifetime? What value do we really put on our gifts?

GIVE AS YOU WOULD RECEIVE

    When I pick out a gift for a friend, the very first thing I take into consideration is how she will appreciate the gift. In other words, I would put myself at the receiving end. If I give Jane a big crystal vase where would she put it? Her apartment is already pretty tight and with the two little boys running around all the time, would it be practical? The usefulness of the gift is a major thing to consider. Maybe a gift certificate to a spa that we often talk about and plan to go to one day is a better option. This way she gets a break from it all instead of living each day anxiously as to when the vase will break.

KNOW YOUR TIMING

    Even if we are a very giving lot, sometimes our gifts lose their meanings because of their frequency. A child who is always given a bar of chocolate when her mommy comes home from work will eventually lose his interest for this. An action done out of routine almost always loses its value. To remember an occasion with a gift is a very sweet thing to do. Sweeter, to gift without any occasion. But let's not overdo it. As they say, there is always a proper time and place to do it. I did not give my eldest child a mobile phone until after she graduated at the top of her batch in grade school. That was the deal, she made it, and she got her phone. Even so, the value of it all was the fact that she had to pay for her phone bill. We might have facilitated the communication to her friends and appeased her longing to be "in," but with it came the responsibility of paying her own bills.

CONVEY YOUR THOUGHTS CLEARLY

    Have you ever been misunderstood because of a gift? I know of a couple who even broke up because the wife was hurt by the husband's seemingly innocent gift. Sometimes we give gifts to be mysterious but end up ambiguous instead. A friend might understand after you explain why you gave her such a thing. But to a sensitive person, the damage is embedded. Should we need to explain at all? A gift should be kept as simple as possible. Simplicity here does not necessarily mean cheap or inexpensive. By keeping it simple we mean that we should convey our message or thoughts clearly. We do not give a red scarf to a widow out of respect for her mourning, not even on Christmas. A man would normally not gift a girl friend with underwear unless he knew that his friend would find no malice in the gesture.

GIVE WITH HEART

    Often we grope for a gift simply because this particular person is a big shot. We wonder what he would appreciate. We think about all the brands he might fancy but end up always being short in our budget. For these bigwigs, I recommend a gift of heart. People who have everything (material) in life, can do without more branded stuff in their closets and houses. I have always opted to give something simple but with a lot of heart. Start with finding out what would be special to him. If he loved my cheesecake the last time we hosted dinner at home, he will get that delivered to his doorstep with a lot of pomp and glitter. It's just cheesecake, you think, but no, it's a cheesecake that I did specially for him. Just the way he likes it, baked to perfection, creamy yet full, dripping with his favorite raspberry topping. If he can't go to get it in New York, then, I'll bring New York to him. Now, that's not just a cheesecake, but a lot of heart!

    So in this season of cheer and tidings, fear not of the cost, but find a better way to give value to your gifts. It is not in what we give that people find value, but in us, the giver. So let's go shopping but not lose ourselves. And as we await His coming, let's remember that each day is a gift. Let's receive it with eagerness and share it with joy. Happy Shopping! Happy Holidays!