Celebrating every occasion thinkable seems to be inherent in the Filipino culture. I have no objections to that as long as I am not the host, at least, not always. I tend to take my responsibilities too seriously and overextend myself. I would like to think that being a guest is the easier part. But from all the partying (and hosting) we have done in the past, I have encountered guests that could really be "challenging" to the host. And as someone who would normally keep a list of invites for every occasion, I have eventually dropped some names in my list. So what counts as good behavior as a guest, you would ask? Very simple, consideration and gratitude.

    There are three stages to the role of being a good guest. These can be divided into the time before, during and after the occasion. In this highly technological age, communication should not be a problem to anyone, unless you are really living in seclusion. Your host is always a phone call, email or now, even a text message away.

BEFORE THE PARTY

1. RSVP on time.

    My daughter once asked me what these letters meant. It is actually an acronym for a French phrase that translates into "Respond If You Please." It simply means that your host is counting heads for the party and she would like to know if you should be counted in. This is usually used for formal occasions, although, of late, even casual children's parties have adopted the practice. The problem that I have encountered in this area is that even if you have an RSVP on your invite, Filipinos still have to get the hang of using it. You will not get an answer unless you do the calling yourself. And sadly, that doesn't work for the host. So, please, respond. Whether it is a "yes" or a "no," your host would be glad to know your acknowledgement of her invitation. And if you must, please call early. She would have prepared so much food thinking all of your family could make it. It would break her heart to let all that food spoil.

2. Inquire about attire.

    Some occasions have a dress code. If you are not sure about what to wear, by all means, ask your host. It will save both you and your host a lot of embarrassment if you came to a sit down dinner in your gym outfit, thinking it was a casual "friends only" affair. And if and when this happens, be courteous enough to offer to make a quick costume change.

3. Let your hostess know about any food allergies.

    As a general rule, the host would normally plan for some pasta, a meat dish, some vegetables, and dessert. Lucky you are if the spread is a buffet. Then, there would definitely be something to nibble on. It would save your host a lot of stress to let her know that you have an allergy. Or if you knew that the theme of the party was about food that you normally don't eat, then it would be in both your best interests to graciously decline the invitation. If the host is someone you cannot refuse, try and stay away from your allergies by politely asking the server about the ingredients. Shrimp and crab are usually the common culprits. This is better than throwing up and having convulsions and turning everyone's attention to your side.

4. Ask about the other invited guests.

    If you are in a position to do so, ask your host about who are coming; the reason being that you would not want to slip up and mention to someone uninvited about the occasion. Another reason that I actually saw happen, is for enemies, or estranged friends to display their displeasure to be in the same party. I am sure that your host will never pull a fast one on you and intentionally cause you this discomfort. And if and when you are faced with such, again, graciously beg off from the encounter.

5. Buy the host a gift.

    Never come to an occasion empty-handed. It would be so gracious of you to bring a good bottle of wine, candy, or some flowers for the host. You will not only make a good impression but also make your host feel you sincerely appreciate being there. If you want to keep her best interests in mind, bring something she would appreciate and can use at a later time. But never bring a gift too lavish as to make her feel indebted.

DURING THE PARTY

1. You may be a little late, but never too early.

    Fifteen minutes late is all that is tolerable for a formal sit-down affair. Casual parties are more flexible, especially because of the traffic situation in our country. But being too early gives your host undue pressure to face you even if she may not be ready to do so. Unless there was really some terrible miscommunication, then, insisting that you will be alright doesn't work well for your host.

2. Never bring an unannounced guest.

    It is very thoughtless to bring a friend or extra guests without first clearing it with the host. It is not just a matter of the food being enough for all those invited. It could well be a case of the host not really wanting to invite your friend. After all, it is her party and she is entitled to set the rules for the same.

3. Turn off mobile phones, pagers; don't text, party.

Your host invited you to enjoy your company. As a courtesy, it is best to turn off cellular phones, pagers and the like, unless, you are on call for a big emergency. And if your phone rings, excuse yourself and move away from the group before taking the call.

4. Offer to help in the kitchen but do not insist.

    Like any other good friend, offer to fetch extra glasses from the cupboard, help in replenishing chips and nuts, but do not insist. Do not try to outdo your host, be clear with your role. At more formal occasions, it is obviously not necessary to even offer. If with one try your host refuses your help, do not be overanxious to insist. Your gesture was well noted but some people prefer to do things themselves, no matter how taxing it may be for them.

5. Mingle and try to meet everyone.

    The worst kind of guest I have seen is one who would stay in one corner of the room and keep to himself. Makes me wonder why he came to the party when he practically refused to talk to anyone there. At a party, guests are expected to mingle and try to make new acquaintances. Friends and relatives have a normal tendency to cluster together, so it serves your host well to see you try and talk to some guests who might feel uncomfortable.

6. Participate and listen in conversations, do not debate.

    The safest mode to take in party conversations is one of a participating listener. You may give your opinion about the subject discussed, but never engage another in a debate. Do not start talk about subjects that would compromise values and principles of others, like politics, religion and race.

7. Do not eat ahead of your host.

    No matter how hungry you are, do not eat ahead of your host. In formal sit-downs, take your cue when the host picks up his fork and knife. It is normal though in the Filipino culture that all the guests are herded to the buffet table and the host just follows when all have filled their plates. As a host, I can also be guilty of this. But to make it less uncomfortable for my guests, I make sure that I always have a drink in one hand and something to nibble on the other. Especially in big parties, it is difficult to get a whole plate and sit down when everybody would insist that you join them.

8. Blessings are to be respected.

    A blessing offered by the host or another guest is not to be cause for discomfort to another. No matter what your religion may be, the courteous thing to do is to bow your head acknowledging the words of your host. If you wish to make a special offering or give thanks yourself, do this silently, without attracting attention.

AFTER THE PARTY

1. Do not overstay and never forget to say goodbye.

    Be sensitive to the body language of your host. A yawn or a move to cozy up for a night capper is an indication that the party is over and it is time to say goodbye. Never, never, leave without saying goodbye. Believe me, if you think you can just sneak out once spotted by your host, you are terribly mistaken. And if you do, be quick to offer an explanation the day after.

2. Thank you notes and letters of remembrance.

    A thank you note after the party is not required of friends. This is done more formally so for acquaintances that you'd want to keep. Email and e-cards to remember the occasion to your host and express the wonderful time you had will be much cherished.

    I hope that reading through this makes you feel more confident to go to the boss' party this year. That could be one tough occasion for most. Remember, however tough the occasion, be yourself, don't pretend to be someone you're not, and play everything by ear. That's not only putting you on the safe side, it'll help you enjoy the party as well. Be a good guest and you'll always make it to your host's list every year. Happy Holidays!